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I changed my mind LOL!

I started a new blog this morning.... so now I have a very special place all my own to document my journey.
Do you want to know what it is?

Ok,...
I guess..
since you asked

this is the link!
http://frmfat2fantastic.blogspot.ca/


Come say hi!

A New Journey

So I don't know how many people are actually going to read this... But I'm going to take this blog in a new direction and I hope you take the trip with me..
The new working theme is going to be
*drum roll please!*
"From Fat to Fantastic! My journey to 180"

I'm choosing the blog route rather then constant Facebook posts, which I might loose some friends over (I do enough complaining on there lol).

So why 180? A couple of reasons...
A "180" is a total change in direction. Its a new start.
It's also the weight where I feel great and look great.
My deadline is my birthday, giving me 8 months. I want to start my 33rd year knowing I worked my butt off to get where I am. And I want to be a good role model for my kids.
I want to be more active, I'm sick of feeling sluggish.
I'm also going to be trying to cook healthier food for the family. I've always had trouble with portion control.. But thanks to a totally great app I going to do better with that too.

So tomorrow is a new day! I have 2000 steps and a kettle bell boot camp class...

Hmm I need to find a mini version of my trainer. She is very motivating!

Happy Adoption Day!

I meant to post this on Friday but time totally got away from me.. And now its Sunday evening. Whoops.
Anyway... Friday was our big day.. We finally got to adopt Mekennah!! Almost 3yrs after we got her.. She is a dramatic little princess, but I love her dearly.. And now I'm a full on mommy of 2! yay!

Bittersweet

In just 3 days I will Offically be a mom of 2.. We are going to court to adopt Missy. Its been almost 3 years coming... I must be in some kind of a reflective mood lately..
There are a few things people don't get about adoption... and thats what it does to the adopted child.... Yes they are getting a forever family.. but they are also being remove from their birthfamily.. and that is a loss that needs to be grieved and acknowledged.
We are gaining a daughter.. but there are 2 young people out there that have lost their child. There is a hmom who is willingly trusting me to mother this little princess. To teach her and guide her and love her..
There is a dad who's heart is broken because he doesnt really get why he was denied custody, and who loves her so much he put his own Want aside and chose to let us adopt her.
Did this come easy? Aw heck no.. Its been an uphill battle.. but its the best ending we could have hoped for. Missy gets us, and she gets to have a continued relationship with her birthparents...
The thought of that scares me...
I dont know what the next 15yrs are going to look like...
but I pray that I do right by K & A and that I dont mess up this incedible gift they've given us.

Thoughts on Adoption

Im adopted.. most people know that... but recently Ive been asked "how does it feel to be adopted".. and I might finally have an answer to that.. I was scrolling through the urban dictionary today (I know, I can be a geek sometimes) and i looked up "unrequited love".. and it gave me this..

"Its the feeling of being completely, hopelessly, desperately in love with someone, all the while knowing that your feelings will never reach them.

Its contradictory in that you feel incredible because you love someone so much, but also at the same time you feel almost overwhelming despair because you will never know what it is like to hold them in your arms, or touch their face, or kiss their lips. You will never know what it is like to wake-up next to them in bed in the morning, bodies entwined.
It can be masochistic in nature- it causes such heartache, but you enjoy loving the person so much, you willingly let your heart go through the agony, so you can hold onto something- I don't know, maybe hope?
In any case, unrequited love is a very sad thing.

"Unrequited Love"-
Its like drowning but you just won't fucking die"

 

Now most times unrequited love is thought of to be one sided wanna be romantic.. but M's birthmom has been on my mind and heart a lot the last few days.. and I think it can be fitting for her (or any birthmom).. 

"Its the feeling of being completely, hopelessly, desperately in love with someone, all the while knowing that your feelings will never reach them. Its contradictory in that you feel incredible because you love someone so much, but also at the same time you feel almost overwhelming despair because you will never know what it is like to hold them in your arms, or touch their face, tickle them, read them stories or hug them tight. You will never know what it is like to rock them to sleep at night, or hold them when they are sick.You will never see their first steps, first day of school, their first date, or possibly even their wedding day... It can be masochistic in nature- it causes such heartache, but you already love this little person so much, you willingly let your heart go through the agony, so you can hold onto something - I don't know, maybe hope? that one day they will find you....
In any case, unrequited love is a very sad thing.

"Unrequited Love"- Its like drowning but you just won't fucking die"  

I edited it a bit.. but it really works for birth moms, and adopted kids... 

Anyway.. we are finalizing our second adoption on friday.. and its going to be bittersweet. Im so blessed to have this little girl call me mommy.. but at the same time her birthmom has a broken heart.

I should go make supper =)

~J~

 

 

I Kissed Xanga Goodbye

Yea.. its official! I closed my Xanga account less then 2min ago.
I just got so tired of the negativity, the attacks, and all the other junk.

sooo   thats it for now. Have to leave to pick up the boy in a bit.

until another day! 

My little neglected blog

I feel terrible. I completely forgot I even had this blog =(  but the nice thing about blogs is that they are very forgiving.
Im going to try to write more.. I know I need to.. hopefully it will work out better this time.
Im actually going to be shutting down my xanga account. Its time I moved on from that negative place.
For today tho, I must say goodbye. I have to water plants, vacuum and clean out my fridge...

Hope you are having a lovely spring!