♥

I changed my mind LOL!

I started a new blog this morning.... so now I have a very special place all my own to document my journey.
Do you want to know what it is?

Ok,...
I guess..
since you asked

this is the link!
http://frmfat2fantastic.blogspot.ca/


Come say hi!

A New Journey

So I don't know how many people are actually going to read this... But I'm going to take this blog in a new direction and I hope you take the trip with me..
The new working theme is going to be
*drum roll please!*
"From Fat to Fantastic! My journey to 180"

I'm choosing the blog route rather then constant Facebook posts, which I might loose some friends over (I do enough complaining on there lol).

So why 180? A couple of reasons...
A "180" is a total change in direction. Its a new start.
It's also the weight where I feel great and look great.
My deadline is my birthday, giving me 8 months. I want to start my 33rd year knowing I worked my butt off to get where I am. And I want to be a good role model for my kids.
I want to be more active, I'm sick of feeling sluggish.
I'm also going to be trying to cook healthier food for the family. I've always had trouble with portion control.. But thanks to a totally great app I going to do better with that too.

So tomorrow is a new day! I have 2000 steps and a kettle bell boot camp class...

Hmm I need to find a mini version of my trainer. She is very motivating!

Happy Adoption Day!

I meant to post this on Friday but time totally got away from me.. And now its Sunday evening. Whoops.
Anyway... Friday was our big day.. We finally got to adopt Mekennah!! Almost 3yrs after we got her.. She is a dramatic little princess, but I love her dearly.. And now I'm a full on mommy of 2! yay!

Bittersweet

In just 3 days I will Offically be a mom of 2.. We are going to court to adopt Missy. Its been almost 3 years coming... I must be in some kind of a reflective mood lately..
There are a few things people don't get about adoption... and thats what it does to the adopted child.... Yes they are getting a forever family.. but they are also being remove from their birthfamily.. and that is a loss that needs to be grieved and acknowledged.
We are gaining a daughter.. but there are 2 young people out there that have lost their child. There is a hmom who is willingly trusting me to mother this little princess. To teach her and guide her and love her..
There is a dad who's heart is broken because he doesnt really get why he was denied custody, and who loves her so much he put his own Want aside and chose to let us adopt her.
Did this come easy? Aw heck no.. Its been an uphill battle.. but its the best ending we could have hoped for. Missy gets us, and she gets to have a continued relationship with her birthparents...
The thought of that scares me...
I dont know what the next 15yrs are going to look like...
but I pray that I do right by K & A and that I dont mess up this incedible gift they've given us.

Thoughts on Adoption

Im adopted.. most people know that... but recently Ive been asked "how does it feel to be adopted".. and I might finally have an answer to that.. I was scrolling through the urban dictionary today (I know, I can be a geek sometimes) and i looked up "unrequited love".. and it gave me this..

"Its the feeling of being completely, hopelessly, desperately in love with someone, all the while knowing that your feelings will never reach them.

Its contradictory in that you feel incredible because you love someone so much, but also at the same time you feel almost overwhelming despair because you will never know what it is like to hold them in your arms, or touch their face, or kiss their lips. You will never know what it is like to wake-up next to them in bed in the morning, bodies entwined.
It can be masochistic in nature- it causes such heartache, but you enjoy loving the person so much, you willingly let your heart go through the agony, so you can hold onto something- I don't know, maybe hope?
In any case, unrequited love is a very sad thing.

"Unrequited Love"-
Its like drowning but you just won't fucking die"

 

Now most times unrequited love is thought of to be one sided wanna be romantic.. but M's birthmom has been on my mind and heart a lot the last few days.. and I think it can be fitting for her (or any birthmom).. 

"Its the feeling of being completely, hopelessly, desperately in love with someone, all the while knowing that your feelings will never reach them. Its contradictory in that you feel incredible because you love someone so much, but also at the same time you feel almost overwhelming despair because you will never know what it is like to hold them in your arms, or touch their face, tickle them, read them stories or hug them tight. You will never know what it is like to rock them to sleep at night, or hold them when they are sick.You will never see their first steps, first day of school, their first date, or possibly even their wedding day... It can be masochistic in nature- it causes such heartache, but you already love this little person so much, you willingly let your heart go through the agony, so you can hold onto something - I don't know, maybe hope? that one day they will find you....
In any case, unrequited love is a very sad thing.

"Unrequited Love"- Its like drowning but you just won't fucking die"  

I edited it a bit.. but it really works for birth moms, and adopted kids... 

Anyway.. we are finalizing our second adoption on friday.. and its going to be bittersweet. Im so blessed to have this little girl call me mommy.. but at the same time her birthmom has a broken heart.

I should go make supper =)

~J~

 

 

I Kissed Xanga Goodbye

Yea.. its official! I closed my Xanga account less then 2min ago.
I just got so tired of the negativity, the attacks, and all the other junk.

sooo   thats it for now. Have to leave to pick up the boy in a bit.

until another day! 

My little neglected blog

I feel terrible. I completely forgot I even had this blog =(  but the nice thing about blogs is that they are very forgiving.
Im going to try to write more.. I know I need to.. hopefully it will work out better this time.
Im actually going to be shutting down my xanga account. Its time I moved on from that negative place.
For today tho, I must say goodbye. I have to water plants, vacuum and clean out my fridge...

Hope you are having a lovely spring!

Busy

Ok, i have not posted in a while...  Our house has been a little busy.
First of all.. BIG NEWS!!!!! As of last Friday, the 17th, I am a Mommy!!!! We finalized our first adoption, Sheldon, whom we have had in our care for almost 4 years. It was a long, hard battle.. but I would do it again.
Wait.. did I say would? That should be "but we ARE doing it again".. thats right.. Lord willing we will go to court for crown wardship at the end of April.
Which means.. the docket date is April 24 and that is for the 3 weeks after. Now if we are very blessed (and I am praying for favor) and we are in the top 5 cases, then we will actually get to trail. If we are at the end, then we could get bumped.
For who? Well, that would be the little Princess, cute and adorable and 16 months old. We have had her for almost a year now.. and she is that tiny tyrant missing piece of our family. Pray!
So thats what we have been up to.
Now I am off to say for the 110th time today "Sheldon get off your sister!"

On the "Right to Fight"

Ive been thinking about this a lot recently, especially when it comes to birth parents.
Every child we have cared for in our home has been a wonderful blessing. They have each taught me something, and S made me a mommy.
We went through a long 3.5 year battle with S's birthmom. She has no capibility to parent him, yet she was able to drag it out for over 3 years. Why? Because she had the right to fight.
M's birthmom and maternal grandma want us to adopt her. M's birthdad, who has been told he has no chance of getting custody, is digging in his heels and making it go to court.. Because he, as nothing more then a sperm donor, has the right to fight.
Well, what about the child's rights? M has been with us for 10 months. Doesn't she have the right to stay where she is safe, loved, protected and provided for? We have had her since she was 4 months old, we are all she knows. She has the right to stay with us.
So, who's rights are more important?
The birth father?
Ours?
Or M's?
No matter which way it goes, someone will be hurt.
If he gets custody, I honestly don't know what I will do. I will be a mess for awhile. but in time I will pick up the peices, and be ready to go again. But I would worry about her for the rest of my life.
If we get crownward.. he loses his legal rights to his daughter.
There is no winning.
I wish my birthmom would fight to have me in her life the way these birth parents fight for their children.
But I am so thankful for my incredible parents... My mom is one of my best friends, and it makes it a little easier to know that she has been though what Ive been though..

I just want to sleep..

To All the moms out there...
Out of sheer desperation I am turning to you all for help.. My 1 yr old daughter is still not sleeping through the night. And I just don't know what to do about it. We've tried letting her cry it out, but I just can't do it. Its so mean and it goes against everything I stand for as a mom. I don't think she is waking out of habit because she is still taking a whole bottle (yes, she is on formula right now, its half formula half whole milk) and its not at the same time every night.
She naps for about 2 hours during the day, and has no problem going to sleep at bed time... but Im beginning to think this waking at night will never stop.
So moms, when did your little ones start sleeping the night? How did you get them to do it?
Any hints, or tips would be appreciated!

*please note that the issue of formula/milk is not the point of this post. The point is getting little Princess to sleep the night. So lets keep the focus there. Thank You*

wow

Dear Blog,
Im sorry Ive neglected you. Please forgive me..

=)
Alright so here is whats up...
As of Friday Shel will be on Adoption Probation. Which (for us) means the wait for our court date to sign the adoption papers. YAY! Most of the time AP is like 6 months long, but because we have already had our boy for 3 years and 7 months they are going to waive it. (duh!). So he gets out of JK early on Friday. and we get to do his discharge medical with CAS and then a whole whack of paper work signing. The adoption worker has told me that the next court date is Feb 17th.. 4 months away. Seems like a day after the last 3 years.

Now miss M is another story.... we have no idea what the plan is with her... I think my heart would be crushed if we have to give her back. Her bmom wants us to adopt, her maternal grandma supports us as well.. its just the birthfather who doesn't. I wish I could talk freely with him about it, but I can't. I guess we wait and see until the 28th.. then we will finally know if there is any plan for this little girl.

Some things that have happened lately have made me really lonely.... I wish I had friends who have been down this road before.. but Im just not sure I am in a place where I want to open up to people.
And I feel awful for my wonderful husband. He has a great degree, but not chance to use it right now... and his family is being terrible.. which is all my fault.

Oy.
I will try to write more late.
<3 me

Poor blog!

I really feel bad, like i've been neglecting this blog.. and its not that I mean too.. I just haven't had the energy to write.
Ok brief update! Tonight we have to go to CAS to meet with our home study worker. We still have to do our updated police checks, and then medicals. But those will be done in a couple of weeks. If all goes well we could be in Happy Court by Christmas. EEEEEEEEP!
Now, a couple of problems...
I hate the Dr. Not our doc, he is really nice (but good looking, which has the potential to make things awkward) but he is phenomanal with the kids. Which is HUGE to me.
2nd problem is S's adoption worker. I don/t like her. She has caused problems in our past and I am worried that she will some how screw this up for us. I do plan on talking to his social worker about this before the file is fully handed over, and if need be we will change workers.
Third problem, is M's worker. She is a stick in the mud who has already said she is hesitant about allowing us to adopt M. This just irks me.
So in other news, I CANNOT WAIT UNTIL THURSDAY!!!
We are running away to the lake where my brother and SIL got married for 4 days, with both kids minus Tonka.
I am pretty convinced Tonka has K9ADHD or an overabundance of puppy energy. But I just got my membership with Brad Pattison so hopefully he will have some helpful stuff on his training videos.
In more other news, S starts JK in September. WOWZERS! Where did the last 4 years go?
Well little M is ticked off wanting her baba so I should go.
Have a lovely day!

A little something I like to post every couple of years.

THE I AM CANADIAN RANT

Hey, I'm not a lumberjack, or a Furtrader, and I don't live in an igloo, or eat blubber or own a dogsled. And I don't know Jimmy, Sally or Suzy from Canada, although I'm certain they're really, really nice. I have a prime minister... not a president, I speak English and French, not American and I pronounce it About, not A-boot. I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack, I believe in peacekeeping, not policing, diversity not assimilation, and that the beaver is a truly proud and noble animal. A toque is a hat, a chesterfield is a couch, and it IS pronounced Zed, not Zee... ZED!! Canada is the 2nd largest land mass, the 1st nation of hockey, and the best part of North America. My name is Jen... and...I......AM......CANADIAN! Thank you.

crikey

so.. its been tough... but I am so thankful for my parents..
I have been on a bit of a emotional rolarcoaster the last month and things finally came to a big ugly head this weekend. I just about lost it... yesterday was bad too.
but i think if i just stop, breath, and do not react to my 3 year old things will get better.
He is not going to school in September. My mummy instinct says he is not ready. I dont really care what is SW says, I know my son. He is not ready. He told me he was scared of school.. and when he says that, i believe him. I am not going to put down his fears. I love him, he is my son, and I will do what is best for him.
As for baby Kennah.. oy. Teething much? She has become a little drama princess too.. which is cute and annoying. 
We are a house of 3 first borns.. heaven help me if i ever have a baby. Oy vey.

ok i need to go make our bed and then shower. I have like 45 min before i have to go pick up baby from her visit. Then, hopefully, nap time.

Neglected Blog

I havent really done it on purpose.. I just have not had the desire to write lately.
In fact.. I had a blog on Mothers Day written.. but I am not sure how to finish it.. so Im not going to.
Anyway, the house has gotten a little crazy.
We put our old dog to sleep about a month ago. It was really hard, but Yeager was not doing well. I miss him every day but I am thankful he is not in pain anymore. Sheldon still asks for him. How do you explain death to a 3 year old?
So next Sunday is Fathers Day. Woot! Yay for Daddies everywhere! Its also my Dad's 65th birthday. We are having a big party for him the following Saturday... and we are flying my brother out for it. I would have loved to bring his whole family (because I miss them like crazy) but that would have cost almost 2500 and we dont have a credit card with that much room on it. Lord willing next year they will be home and we can start having big family stuff.
Speaking of big family.. Our family might be getting a little bigger. No, I am not pregnant (that ship has sailed, its not gonna happen). But we have been asked if we would adopt Kennah if it is possible. DUH! Yes. In a heartbeat. She is doing so well. Eating like mad, growing like a weed, and almost crawling. This morning she was in crawling position, rocking back and fourth, but the poor tyke was stuck.
Sheldon is doing great. Ive backed off almost completely on the potty learning thing. I know he will do it in his own time. I think with him its more a control thing then anything. He has had so little control over what has happened in his little life (the whole ordeal with his birth mom, confusing visits with his grandmother, the needle stick incident.. more visits with birth mom, and then Kennah and preschool).. I know he gets it.. he is supposed to start school in September. But I am worried that he is not ready. I mean I know the class will be 20+ kids and he gets overwhelmed very easily. So I guess we will just see how it goes. I might keep him out until January.
Our puppy Tonka is going to make me crazy. I can tell I am used to an older calm dog and not think insane hyper yappy thing. I know he will grow out of it.. I just pray that happens soon!
So, thats it in my little world.

Ever have one of those days?

Thats been my week.. nothing but day after day of crapyness.
I know I should be thankful for what we have, but I just can't find that thankful spot in my heart right now.
That and I have a 3 year old who is bent on ticking me off at every available opportunity. *sigh*
Part of my problem is that I feel like I failed him. All my life I wanted to home school my kids, because of the awful experience school was for me. But I am so scared to do that with Shel because I don't think I can keep up with him. I am also worried about enrolling him in school before the adoption is final because his birthmom could find out where he is.
We took a class on moving kids on to adoption yesterday. It was interesting, but irrlevent. I was hoping for more of an explanation as to the whole adoption process but that didnt happen.
Hey I am pretty proud of myself right now.. I have typed this whole post with a monkey on my lap not looking down at the keyboard. Woot! Go me!
And I think that's happy note to end this post on.
That and I have to go get baby M ready for her visit with her daddy.. i just hope he shows up because I am going to be pissed if I have to walk over there in the rain for no reason.

Have a wonderful day!

*edit* just got a call from the worker that her dad did not show up for his ride... Its now been more then 2 weeks since he has seen his baby girl.. I really hope it bothers him but I also hope he knows this is not going to help him get her back any faster. Yet another reason why teens should not be parents. 

*sigh*

today was a rough day, but better then yesterday, which I am thankful for.
BabyK is sick.. she has a pretty nasty cold and all she wants to do is snuggle. Which normally I love but with a 3 year old who demands my full attention its hard to deal with a sick baby. But, it started on Thursday so she should be getting better soon.
I am so sick of people telling me that I am not a "real" mom. I might not have given birth to any babies, but I have mothered 11 children from birth to the age of 12 over the last 3 years. I love each and every child that comes into our home like they are our own... Like any mother cares for and loves her children.
Just because I did not give birth, does not mean I am any less a mother then someone who did. In some ways, I am MORE of a mother because I look after children that their parents can't look after. The length of time I care for that child does not matter, I will love and remember them for ever. Each of the 11 have a special place in my heart.

On a happy note..Yesterday was my nephew's 3rd birthday.. and the 3 year mark of Shel being placed with us. He is finally a crown ward and we get to adopt him.. I am excited, yet the thought of his birthmom makes me sad sometimes.. I wish my birthmom had fought for me like T did for him.. I wish she wanted me that much.. but even finding her after 19 years was not enough to make her want to keep me in her life.
I love her, and I thank GOD every day she chose to gave me life..

ok Im walking away from this now.. my thoughts are getting muddled because I'm so tired.
Good night

Forget birth control for teens.. my daughter will get a freaking chastity belt!

Okay so yes, thats a little drastic.. but I have good reason.
I was walking home with baby K today (new little house-mate as of Friday. She is 5 months old and uber cute) and while behind 2 teen girls at a stop sign I over heard this.,..
G1 "Yea my mom is pissed off"
G2  "why? because he got your pregnant?"
G1  "Not really that, but i found out too late to abort it. At least now I don't have to finish highschool"
G2  "lucky you."
G1  "i was failing anyway so i guess its a good thing."
G2 "what about the baby though?"
G1 "well i guess i am stuck with it now. The clinics here say its too late to do anything."
G2 "thats sucks.. you're going to have to get fat"
G1 "unless my mom takes me to the states.. they will do things later there i guess."
G2 "so you're not going to (party)'s Friday?"
G1 "why not? its not going to stop me from getting slammed"


and this is why there will always be a need for foster parents.. i feel sorry for the baby already..

Intro to me!

Hi! I am just new to this site, but I am looking for a new blogging home.
A little about me? Um ok. I am a stay-at-home-foster-mum to a wonderful 3 year old boy, who we are adopting. We are also waiting to be blessed with another baby.
My hubby and i have been married for 6 years and are still praying that one day we might be blessed with a baby of our own. 
In the meantime, we also have 2 dogs. Yeager, 13 and Tonka who is just 2 months. And there is princess Persephone our kitty who is just a year old.
We live in a house, in a town, just outside of nowhere. Its a nice area to raise our little family, though our house is old and needs some work. At least it is our's.
I am adopted, reunited, and adopting. So adoption is a pretty big passion of mine.
Though lately CarSeat Safety has become another passion.. I know I know, its a weird thing to get passionate about. But hey, I'm kindof weird.

So, that's me in a nut shell... well kind of. :)